Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
