Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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