so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
