It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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