If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
