so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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