From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
