i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
