I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
