What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
