i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
