so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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