dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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