booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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