Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
