i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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