No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
