Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
