i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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