I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
