Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
