youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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