you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
