I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
