at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize