So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
