I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
