YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
