i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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