Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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