Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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