I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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