I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it hurts more in the daytime
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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