come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
