And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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