ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
