forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
