very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
