I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
