He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
