first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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