woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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