Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
