I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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