saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
