Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
