My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
