found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
