God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
