In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
