Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
