i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
