The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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