So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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