My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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