ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
