Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
