you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
