I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
