This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
