i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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