I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
