My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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