woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
