I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
