You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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