i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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