so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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