the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
