Already got asked if we're dating
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
