I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found puke in my bra..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
