1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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