there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
