I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
