my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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