We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
