Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
