Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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