GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
