apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
