i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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