I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
